Most people look at our relationship now and say, "You two are couple goals."
But what they don’t know is that we were once the couple everyone thought should just break up already.
We were a mess—a cycle of chasing, pulling away, heartbreak, and coming back together. We were both deeply unhealed, stuck in our own patterns, and searching for something neither of us knew how to give.
And yet… we made it.
Not because we got lucky.
Not because time magically healed things.
But because we chose healing.
This is our story.
The Beginning: A Love Born from Freedom and Chaos
When Omar and I met, it was pure attraction.
I was freshly out of my parents' home and the conservative world. I had tasted freedom, and I was gonna do whatever the fuck I wanted with it. Omar was here for school, studying at a university in Missouri, also from a deeply conservative background and experiencing his own kind of freedom.
We met at the mall—of all places. He was selling a bracelet, and I bought it, but only because I wanted to talk to him. I ended up taking his number. I wasn’t going to let him have the ball in his court, I was going to talk to that man again.
The next day, I texted him. And that’s where everything began.
The Push-Pull Cycle: Anxiety, Avoidance, and Unmet Needs
Omar didn’t know how to be vulnerable. He didn’t even want to be. He was just having fun. But I—an anxiously attached person—latched onto him.
He had stood up for me several times, and because of that, I placed him on a savior pedestal he neither wanted nor needed. No one had ever stood up for me before, and I convinced myself that meant something deep. That he must be "the one."
But our relationship was a constant push-pull.
I spent years begging him for more connection. He didn’t know how to give it, it didn’t make him feel safe. He wanted connection, but only at a distance (classic avoidant).
So we started the cycle:
I’d break up with him because he wasn’t connecting with me enough.
I’d want him to chase me so he could prove that he loved me.
He wouldn’t.
I’d feel abandoned, angry… then desperate.
I’d go right back and demand we try again.
Repeat. For years.
And then, we had Adam.
The Breaking Point: When Everything Fell Apart
Some things shifted, but not enough.
We were both unhealed, and whoever said babies fix everything? They fucking lied, bro.
I begged for connection. Omar still couldn’t give it.
I begged some more. He still couldn’t.
And then, postpartum depression came in like a fucking demon, and I broke. Like, completely.
What was already a shell of a person became just a shattered mess.
We separated—at least, in name. For years, we still lived together as a family, but I couldn’t call him my husband when he didn’t feel like one to me. I had this Hallmark romance fantasy in my head, and anything short of that made me feel cheated.
There was so much pain and anger.
A few more years went by. My depression was ravaging me.
I wasn’t just struggling with life—I didn’t want to live anymore.
My spark was almost gone.
The Man Who Stayed: The Love Story I Couldn’t See
And Omar?
He was there. The entire time.
He didn’t always understand what was happening. Sometimes, he was scared. Sometimes, angry.
Because when a person doesn’t want to live anymore, they stop caring about consequences.
And I sure as hell did.
I drank. So much.
I partied. So much.
I numbed myself in every way I could.
I put myself in so many dangerous situations with dangerous people.
I was hurt. Many times.
And Omar stayed.
He saved me. Every single day. For years.
And it took me five years—five fucking years of his absolute, never-ending devotion—for me to finally realize…
Maybe he did love me?
Five years of his heartbreak.
Five years of terror (The things this man saw, I ache for that version of him.)
The Healing Journey: From Rock Bottom to Transformation
I went through every possible treatment for depression:
A cocktail of meds.
Therapist after therapist.
Hospital stays in the grippy sock jail.
Nothing worked.
Until finally, I completed a cutting-edge therapy, got off my meds, found an actual phenomenal therapist... and I began to heal.
I reconnected with spirituality.
I felt alive again.
But our patterns didn’t stop.
I’d want more connection.
He’d pull away.
I’d get angry and accuse him of not loving me.
He’d get defensive.
I’d run, wanting him to chase me.
He wouldn’t.
I’d feel abandoned.
We’d repeat.
And I was so sick of it.
Breaking the Cycle: Healing Relationship Patterns for True Love
One day, I stumbled upon attachment theory, and my brain said,
WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?!
You mean, I was contributing to this?!
You mean, I had the power to change it?!
I went deep into the rabbit hole.
I learned about healing attachment wounds, the nervous system, somatic work, and energy healing.
And over the course of three years—I broke the cycle.
I stopped chasing. I found safety and security in myself.
I gave Omar space and autonomy.
And he came to me. On his own.
He opened up in ways I NEVER dreamed he could.
We began to connect. Deeply.
We went from two people who accidentally had a baby → to → BEST FRIENDS.
What Divine Love Actually Looks Like
And now?
We laugh. At everything—even our own stupid arguments.
We communicate.
We create space for each other.
We know our patterns and have the strength to break them.
We built a love that actually lasts.
This is what Divine Love looks like.
We went from being the “just break up already” couple to being the ones people call “couple goals.”
Our love is evident to everyone who sees it.
We could’ve been just another broken love story. Another relationship that ended in pain. But instead, we chose healing.
Because love doesn’t heal wounds.
But when you heal your wounds, love finally has space to exist.
Want to start healing your relationship patterns?
If this story resonates with you—if you see yourself in these patterns—you are NOT alone. Healing is possible. And when you heal, everything changes.
Take the first step:
Discover Your Attachment Style and begin healing your relationship patterns: Take the Quiz
Step Into Secure, Soul-Aligned Love: Healing Her - A 12 week 1:1 Coaching Container
You don’t have to do this alone. I’ve been where you are, and I know the way through. Let’s heal together.
You got this. And I’m right here with you. 💛
Comments